Saturday, August 24, 2013
Our Facebook Page
Anyway... I am also busy obsessing about our new FaceBook page, I count the Likes like drops, one by one, checkin the names of those who like the page, thinking on their motive to like it, trying to have a general picture of who like who doesn't, what friends does, why? what time? Jeez I am "incorregible"!
At times I freak out and I wonder if I am not exposing my family too much, putting all my precious babies pictures for everybody to watch. Why do I do it? Is it fame that I want? Is it money? is it just LIKES?
Well you know, sometimes I like to sabotage my own projects, I can have the most negatives observation and perception about myself. Through recovery I have learn that I can not trust my perception o judgement specially when is negatively self critical. I have to remember who I really am, what moves me, what is what make my life worth. I am one of those person that I can't enjoy anything without sharing the feeling with somebody else. I like to share my emotions with people, I like to share my secrets with people. I am extroverted. I can't enjoy a good meal without sharing, it take off the beauty of it. I can't enjoy the best time of my life and not share it with the universe.
Before, I had to hide myself because I couldn't tell who I was. It was not OK to be gay and to tell everybody and to even think in the possibility of having a family. I get used to hide, to change the subject, to distract people before they learn who I really was.
Today I don't feel the same way, I love who I am and who I have become, I love my life and I am not afraid to tell to anybody. I may be a little immature in the way I express myself but I don't care. Eventually i will adjust and act like normal.
So yes I want to scream I am gay! I am a recovering addict! I am crazy! I have a loving partner! I have a beautiful family! I have my own children! I have a fucking Facebook Page to show the world my accomplishment. God gifts. The result of 4o+ years of going though pain and fear.
There is a superior motive, bigger than fame and Likes, there is me, this is me and this is who I am. I can take some cute pictures and make funny comments and make people follow me. But most of all I can make for me what others can't do.
Now lets get back to business, did you check my Facebook page already? Isn't my son so adorable moving around that couch?