Friday, April 26, 2013

Babies are here.

I feel standing in this infinite field of green grass, looking at a blurry horizont, with close fists and just waiting for life to change.

I am ready! Am I? I really don't know how much ready I am supposed to be. I may not know all the details of how to solve and provide for 4 babies in diapers but I know I have the courage to learn, fight and adapt. I guess yes, I am ready.

In the meantime I scape anytime I can and take picture of Lily, she is just magnificent! We are waiting for the twin boys to be release from the Hospital, we are waiting to be reunited as a family of 6 and then feel that our journey has began, but hey this is still the journey but seems so surreal because we are not in the same place at the same time. I guess all human needs this sense of belonging to a place in order to exist as a family.

The delivery was quick and dramatic. By the time we prepared an improvised bad with unnecessary things and left what was important and drove recklessly  to the Bayfront Children Place, the triplets were born.

Our surrogate broke water at around 6:30 am on April 1st and right when she started to push, the nurses knock her down with a sedative and took her to the operation room. They simply cut her belly and pull those babies out! It sounds brutal and not very romantic. But that is what it was.

Liam came first, then Lily and finally little Leo. The named them Baby A, B and C. The were between 2300 and 1900 gr. of weight and 34 weeks and 2 days.

We were the first male gay couple to cross the doors of All Children NICU claiming babies as their children. It was interesting to see all kind of reactions and a total lack of preparedness from the Hospital staff. I have to correct this lady in the reception desk that said to somebody else at the phone: "Here are the adoptive parents of the J.. triplets." while I was waiting to know where my children were after they took them from the operation room. Our surrogate husband was with me. I said: "Mom, there are our biological children, we are not adopting parents we are THE parents. Please be precise with your words" I felt right and fair. Also for J. who may felt uncomfortable after somebody was suggesting they were giving their children in adoption.

The nurses in the NICU were expecting us, good thing to have a friend that works there and she was able to announce our arrival and they got ready. However I learned that day that Social workers are watching like eagles who are getting in and out of the hospital.

We were not allow to see our precious babies until we were able to prove we were the parents. It took several discussion to make them understand this wasn't an adoption, we were bio parents and the surrogate wasn't their mom.  Until we said to the Social worker all perplexed, we got an egg donor, fertilize the eggs with our sperm and then transfer the embryo into our surrogate uterus.
In ordinary circumstances this can be very humiliating, but maybe because we have a thick skin about humiliation or because the emotion of being parents and have 3 healthy babies were so high. We really didn't care.  We just answered all the questions, give them the papers they wanted and 5 hours later we were walking into the place where we will met our triplets and stay day and night for the next 2 weeks.

They were separated in 3 different rooms. They were all wired and taped. They were red, the were small and almost transparent. There faces however were beautiful.

All the tension, anxiety, fears and stress from the past 10 months were absolutely gone when we were able to be there. Looking at our children. This small little things waggling and breathing.

In one point, just a few minutes later from our arrival, I found myself walking in and out from one room to the other, somehow trying to be with all of them at the same time. I felt confused. I needed to relate that feeling and behavior to understand what it was.

I remember one of our dogs having puppies and we as child moving their puppies in different places in the house to play and my dog going back and forth behind us, powerless, trying to keep them together. Thats the feeling! That is how I felt. Like a bitch trying to keep the litter together.

It has been 11 days since they discharged Lily from the NICU for been the heaviest and more mature of the three. I am staying at home with her and Lorenzo, our now 16 months old son. I can't stop staring at her, taking her pictures and trying to make any connection possible.  I feel such love already! Its so different to my older son however is not less or more intense.

I feel I am blessed, every day. I am totally blessed and don't even know why God chose me for this incredible journey. I don't need to know why. I am eternally grateful.

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