Rambo Moms

And there she comes, with all the latest baby gears, loaded with baby accessories like a Rambo and ONE single baby, she gave me the "watch out I am a new smart mom, a big deal mom" kind of look and all I can think is phsss I have 3 of those missy and half of the arsenal...


One thing that women own and defend is the fact that they can be moms. That is serious shit, their pride and prehistorical experience on that role is not something you are supposed to mess with. 

Anytime a female discovers my role as principal caregiver of 4 babies with the total absence of a female, I feel I have to go through a test. I am not going to denied it, sometimes I put myself in that position and sometimes I can feel the wave of emotions coming my way, it feels like their entire weaponry is pointed at me.

The look of disgust is the less common at least, but most of them are of pity. 
I can see how they shake their heads with their eyes. They are too smart to really shake their heads but not enough to hide the real feeling behind their expressions.
I think the real feeling behind is fear and defiance. - Who in hell do you think you are to come and take my place, the role I did so well for thousands of years and nobody else was able to  even think about taking?... This is my own nature you are insulting... 

And then is when all the unsolicited advice machine starts to shoot my way.  And yes they never had triplets but they took care of their cousin's irish twins, and you don't know how hard it gets later, and good for you! you must have your hands full. God BLESS you! (with special accentuation on bless) meaning: ha you don't know how much blessings you are going to need. And the spanish ladies? Oh well that is a whole new post... I don't know if that is because they are hispanic or because we are both latinos or just pure coincidence. But they are specially mean and eye rolling when they learn I am a gay men with children. 
I would just hope all these impressions are only in my head and none of these are real but my guts tell me: you are under test, watch out what you do or say. You are walking on sacred territory. Keep walking and don't look back cause they could cut your throat in a blink of an eye. 

The end of anonymity

If you didn't know, beside been a father of 4 and a gay men and a successful designer I am also a recovering addict. I think it is important to out myself because is important for me to be honest, live in the light and to be proud of who I am and where I am today. For those who don't know , addiction is not a character defect or a lack of willingness or a choice. Addiction is  a disease that involves the physical, mental and spiritual being.

I am not responsible for my disease since I didn't choose to have it but I am responsible for my recovery which I work on in a daily bases. I have been clean from drugs and alcohol since September 27, 2007. I count the days and the hours because I don't want to be in that place anymore. Desperation and fear of dead push me to seek recovery and today I live a happy, full, beautiful life.

I believe in outing myself because there are many addicts living in secret and thinking there is not a solution to their disease. If you are of of those you can be one of me. I don't have any special power nor strong will. Nobody has them. But I learned how to ask for help and that is the most powerful tool I have.

Many of my fellows recovering addict believe in anonymity, I don't. Anytime I keep it in secret to the world it put me in a place of feeling special, less than and not proud of who I am, addiction is part of who I am and it always will be, since this is a disease that has not known cure.

I have to teach my children a clear lesson of personal responsibility, honesty and love for who you are. By been open with the world about this, the fear is lifted, I don't have to hide and I don't have to talk quietly about it.

It is scary to show who you are in a world full of people who judge you and have erroneous opinions about addiction, where seems jail and institutions are the only answer for this system to stop addiction, where religions seems to be the only rule for many and those old books that many follow as the only truth.
But I have hope in my people, I believe there is a lot of good people in this world who speak for themselves and they can see the truth on their own ways.  Those are my friends, the people who help me everyday to keep going and support my family unconditionally. And those are the only people I care about and I need in my life.

If I treat my disease I can be so many things, good things. I can be a responsible member of this society, I can be a good partner, I can be a good friend, I can be a good son and most of it I can be a good FATHER! And I said it loud because I love being a father! It is the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me and I want to celebrate and communicate that feeling everyday.

I am grateful today because of the life I got to live and I have to be very honest about this, all I have today is the direct result of recovery. Everything!

Before recovery  not only that I have lost all of my material belongings, professional career, family and friends by I lost myself. I forgot who i was and  I was convinced that that was it, that that was the life I was destined to have and that I will soon died.

But there is breaking point, one day I woke up and I said is enough, this cannot be. I want to live! and I was ready to get the help I needed it. That awakening is a mystery, I don't know how that happens, under what circumstances or what every person needs to happen, but it did. I only know who is behind that awakening, the same who was behind any time I put myself at risk and saved my life. That is what many call God. Which for me has nothing to do with religion or the God people described to me. And why me I asked myself and many you may ask too. Well my only answer is; Why not?

We all has a purpose in life, and I believe is beyond our comprehension or personal desire sometimes. I took me 45 years or a crippled life in order to understand that, my purpose is to be who I am today, to help people, to help my 4 children become beautiful people, strong human beings, and perhaps their purpose is more elevated or significant of maybe their only purpose is to teach me the ultimate live experience. How to be a good dad.

I love you all. God bless you.

A Kid's Place

Since we had the triplets and our 18 months old son Lorenzo has changed dramatically, we decided it is time for him to go somewhere where he can socialize, learn to be more independent and also give us a damn break. Sometimes his whining and crying can drive us crazy!


I started  to search 2 weeks ago for the perfect daycare for Lorenzo, since I don't have any experience with this type of institutions and we are new in the area where we live, we had quite a few surprises.
I first research online using the keyword: Best Daycare in Valrico and I proceed to visit one by one following the list, then I research their website and look at the pictures. Most in florida is about the same, old houses transformed into daycares, filled with dirty and faded toys, colorful and dreadful carpets and a bunch of color prints on the walls what they call "Curriculum"
The "curriculum" for a toddle class is very funny:

1- Pooh Pooh - Potty Training
2- Play with a ball party
3- Hand paint
4- Nap Time
5- Book reading circle (reading of those monosyllabic written books)

A couple of places we visited were far apart from the rest but still not as convenience for their location and exorbitant high price, so before  choosing one of the fancy ones, I decided to stop by and take the "tour" at one place we saw anytime we drive by. This nice looking place is called A Kid's place, it's a new and warm looking building right off the route Patrick drives to work everyday so it will be convenient if he can drop off instead of me and my 3 new babies.

 I drove in and there was this wire metal fence around the building with a code pad in the gate, in front of me there is a car  which  is taking too much time to find the code apparently; while I wait I am thinking, this place is very serious about security. I love that for my kid! And this parent in front of me must be super busy, he can't find the code yet. Must be a lawyer for the way he dresses.
Finally the gate opens and I thinking I should just drive in to avoid the wait, then I thought, maybe I should ask first if it is ok to just stop by without an appointment. I don't want to give the wrong impression to my future son's teacher...
I hit the call button in the pad and I proceeded to explain to the lady at the speaker, I'm a parent with my kid , here with me now, and we are looking for a day care for him and I would like to take a tour of the facility, if that is ok of course. She said: Sir you don't want to drop your kid here, with this sarcastic kind of kinky voice... I am thinking what a bitch! if she would work for me I'd fire her immediately, she must be leaving her job today... Then I said- excuse me?  She said - Yes Sir, this is a FOSTER care facility, you don't want to drop off your child here and laugh....
Oh Snap! I felt totally stupid and laugh at myself but at the same time I felt grateful my child don't have to experience a place like that, even when it is a beautiful place.

Lesson learned: never judge a place for it name and pretty flowers at front...

I ended up enrolling my son in a real DAYCARE place called Kids R Kids. On tuesday I will prepare his bag and drop him off  in a place we thought it will never be an option for our precious kid, OMG how this happened to us. Too fast, too quick!


A Kid's Place, a licensed, residential group care provider, is a unique, state of the art, 60-bed facility for abused, neglected, or abandoned children. A Kid's Place has five 3,200 square foot homes, located on five acres in Brandon, Fl. We utilize a live-in house parent model which provides the children with consistency and simulates family living.