Lady please, stay away from my children and me.

At the mall with mom and children

Having triplets bring a lot of attention as many of you can imagine, my Facebook wall is full of ohh ahh awww cuuute, too cute... kind of comments. We received presents from people who we don't even know and you feel the TRIPLE love everywhere. But after the shock of this extraordinary moment has settle down and you make some time to see the dynamic of the people around us, oh boy... some of my friends came to my house and without even say hello they started to shoot their cameras and posting the pictures in FB; like there is not tomorrow.
Then this lady that I barely know send us 3 outfits in the mail that were too small already (premiere size are unreal) and she keep looking and asking for her outfits in every picture I post. Guess what Mrs Lady, we returned your tiny outfits and we traded in for formula, which is much more needed.

Now where the attention really  become a headache is during "The Mall experience". I am not naive and I knew that going to the mall with a triplet stroller and white baby triplets in it would be a reason to be profiled. However I never suspect it would be such a intense and never ending experience.

The Triplette from Peg Perego

Today I understand those Hollywood celebrities when they cover them self with huge sunglasses and seems they are always running in public and jumping into dark tinted glass SUV's.

The neverending people staring at you and your babies, asking questions or making comments or remarks in your face every 10 second is really overwhelming. I can actually count with my finger all the questions because they are all the same. People really expect you to stop and answer them every time.

My reaction to the first person I encounter in the Mall entrance was polite and even cool and I wanted to tell them the whole story of how we have triplets through surrogacy and that my partner was another man and so on... then the next person received a very abbreviated version of the previous story, with the third I just limited myself to respond with yes or no and to act like I was in a hurry, then the fourth interaction was just a simple and quick smile and I kept walking but turning my head because the lady at this point was following me and asking me more questions... are they yours? are they triplets? are they identical? how many girls and boys? the one with a bow is a girl? Are they natural? Are they NATURAL?? No, they are synthetic, all made in Korea. Trust me by the 6th and 7th person I was wearing my dark huge sunglasses and I was walking like I was deaf and very angry. Pretty much looking straight at front and never ever looking back again.

One lady screamed at me across the hallway -  I NEED TO SEE THOSE BABIES!!!!! but I kept walking in my direction while she stays there,  planted,  expecting me to stop and make her demand a reality. I clearly heard when she throw me a fit after she left and my partner said, I think you were a little rude with that lady. I thought, really? so you just scream to somebody and express what you want and you expect people stop for you without even asking politely? May I, Could you? Please...

So after my first Mall experience I had to make a decision on what to do next, my choices are:

1- Never go to a mall again and stay with 4 crying baby in my house until they don't need a stroller and go to college. 

or

2- Bring some aid with me to stop people of been rude or al least educate them that their questions are not very welcomed because they are all the same and they are formulated to us every 45 seconds. People don't see we are busy, we are not there for their entertainment, we are there because we need to shop or just because we need time out before we kill the performers of this show.

So I am planning to write a F.A.Q. sign for my stroller and save some time answering and showing people their question are not unique.

1. Are they triplets? A: Yes (and no, i don't run a childcare)
2. Are they 2 boys and a girl? Yes (Can you see their outfit colors and Lily's gigantic flower on her head? ) 
3. Are they yours? Yes, I paid for them (that is hard to prove since they are white babies)
4. How old are they? A: Realy? you make the maths, they were born April 1st. 
5. You must have your hands full... A: Not shit! I didn't realize that yet. 
6. Holy cow triplets??? A: yeah (Holy cow, you make another idiot asking the same question for the 10th time today) 
7. We only had twins in my family, never triplets .A: Oh... (so?) 
8. Are they natural? Yes they are all 100% natural. (their clothes are synthetic though) 
9. Are all identical? emmm no, only the boys (after they asked if they are boys and girls...
10. Can I touch them? A: No! (They usually go, he he he while the extend their hand to touch them and I firmly repeat -NO, really, you can't touch them. Long silence...- I am sorry.... and they go. 

Getting the Job done

It has been 73 days since my life have changed for ever. I am so tired and sleep deprived that I can only remember what happened between April and June because I keep posting every single thing i do in Facebook, which by the way, since Lorenzo was born, I declared my scrapbook.

I look at my scrap book and I can see how fast our triplets has grown, how much fatter and older I got and how smoothly my house become more chaotic and unexpectedly warm.

My job is to mainly take care of the triplets during the day and late night and to work from home for Graff3D, managing new projects and creating job proposals. Thank God my bosses are super flexible and I can do this in the remaining time.

My job description as a triplet caregiver is as follow:

I feed, I burp, I change and I put them back to sleep.

Same damn thing every 3-4 hours in the same order, from Monday to Sunday. I expend most of my time in franela short, bare feet and stretched Tshirts. If I go out I add a pair of Yoga-mat flip flops to my uniform. Thank God we live in Florida and short fits in all dressing code. 

Even if my job is always the same with my newborn, the joy and emotions are always growing making my life so full and dynamic. 

This InfoGraphic can describe better than words of what my life has become

Babies are here.

I feel standing in this infinite field of green grass, looking at a blurry horizont, with close fists and just waiting for life to change.

I am ready! Am I? I really don't know how much ready I am supposed to be. I may not know all the details of how to solve and provide for 4 babies in diapers but I know I have the courage to learn, fight and adapt. I guess yes, I am ready.

In the meantime I scape anytime I can and take picture of Lily, she is just magnificent! We are waiting for the twin boys to be release from the Hospital, we are waiting to be reunited as a family of 6 and then feel that our journey has began, but hey this is still the journey but seems so surreal because we are not in the same place at the same time. I guess all human needs this sense of belonging to a place in order to exist as a family.

The delivery was quick and dramatic. By the time we prepared an improvised bad with unnecessary things and left what was important and drove recklessly  to the Bayfront Children Place, the triplets were born.

Our surrogate broke water at around 6:30 am on April 1st and right when she started to push, the nurses knock her down with a sedative and took her to the operation room. They simply cut her belly and pull those babies out! It sounds brutal and not very romantic. But that is what it was.

Liam came first, then Lily and finally little Leo. The named them Baby A, B and C. The were between 2300 and 1900 gr. of weight and 34 weeks and 2 days.

We were the first male gay couple to cross the doors of All Children NICU claiming babies as their children. It was interesting to see all kind of reactions and a total lack of preparedness from the Hospital staff. I have to correct this lady in the reception desk that said to somebody else at the phone: "Here are the adoptive parents of the J.. triplets." while I was waiting to know where my children were after they took them from the operation room. Our surrogate husband was with me. I said: "Mom, there are our biological children, we are not adopting parents we are THE parents. Please be precise with your words" I felt right and fair. Also for J. who may felt uncomfortable after somebody was suggesting they were giving their children in adoption.

The nurses in the NICU were expecting us, good thing to have a friend that works there and she was able to announce our arrival and they got ready. However I learned that day that Social workers are watching like eagles who are getting in and out of the hospital.

We were not allow to see our precious babies until we were able to prove we were the parents. It took several discussion to make them understand this wasn't an adoption, we were bio parents and the surrogate wasn't their mom.  Until we said to the Social worker all perplexed, we got an egg donor, fertilize the eggs with our sperm and then transfer the embryo into our surrogate uterus.
In ordinary circumstances this can be very humiliating, but maybe because we have a thick skin about humiliation or because the emotion of being parents and have 3 healthy babies were so high. We really didn't care.  We just answered all the questions, give them the papers they wanted and 5 hours later we were walking into the place where we will met our triplets and stay day and night for the next 2 weeks.

They were separated in 3 different rooms. They were all wired and taped. They were red, the were small and almost transparent. There faces however were beautiful.

All the tension, anxiety, fears and stress from the past 10 months were absolutely gone when we were able to be there. Looking at our children. This small little things waggling and breathing.

In one point, just a few minutes later from our arrival, I found myself walking in and out from one room to the other, somehow trying to be with all of them at the same time. I felt confused. I needed to relate that feeling and behavior to understand what it was.

I remember one of our dogs having puppies and we as child moving their puppies in different places in the house to play and my dog going back and forth behind us, powerless, trying to keep them together. Thats the feeling! That is how I felt. Like a bitch trying to keep the litter together.

It has been 11 days since they discharged Lily from the NICU for been the heaviest and more mature of the three. I am staying at home with her and Lorenzo, our now 16 months old son. I can't stop staring at her, taking her pictures and trying to make any connection possible.  I feel such love already! Its so different to my older son however is not less or more intense.

I feel I am blessed, every day. I am totally blessed and don't even know why God chose me for this incredible journey. I don't need to know why. I am eternally grateful.