Our Facebook Page

It has been a while since I seat and write another post. I feel lazy and a lack motivation lately. I rather waste my time crashing candy on my iPhone or reading never-ending discussion on polemic subjects online than writing one word in my blog. I hate to admit it but I am lazy. On top of that I am always been excused by people for the fact I have triplets. They are telling me: you have your hands full, you have your hands full, you have your hands full . So sometimes I act like I have my hands full even when I don't. I lie to myself.

Anyway... I am also busy obsessing about our new FaceBook page, I count the Likes like drops, one by one, checkin the names of those who like the page, thinking on their motive to like it, trying to have a general picture of who like who doesn't, what friends does, why? what time? Jeez I am "incorregible"!

At times I freak out and I wonder if I am not exposing my family too much, putting all my precious babies pictures for everybody to watch. Why do I do it? Is it fame that I want? Is it money? is it just LIKES?

Well you know, sometimes I like to sabotage my own projects, I can have the most negatives observation and perception about myself. Through recovery I have learn that I can not trust my perception o judgement specially when is negatively self critical. I have to remember who I really am, what moves me, what is what make my life worth. I am one of those person that I can't enjoy anything without sharing the feeling with somebody else. I like to share my emotions with people, I like to share my secrets with people. I am extroverted. I can't enjoy a good meal without sharing, it take off the beauty of it. I can't enjoy the best time of my life and not share it with the universe.

Before, I had to hide myself because I couldn't tell who I was. It was not OK to be gay and to tell everybody and to even think in the possibility of having a family. I get used to hide, to change the subject, to distract people before they learn who I really was.

Today I don't feel the same way, I love who I am and who I have become, I love my life and I am not afraid to tell to anybody. I may be a little immature in the way I express myself but I don't care. Eventually i will adjust and act like normal.

So yes I want to scream I am gay!  I am a recovering addict! I am crazy! I have a loving partner! I have a beautiful family! I have my own children! I have a fucking Facebook Page to show the world my accomplishment. God gifts. The result of 4o+ years of going though pain and fear.

There is a superior motive, bigger than fame and Likes, there is me, this is me and this is who I am. I can take some cute pictures and make funny comments and make people follow me.  But most of all I can make for me what others can't do.

Sometimes I fantasize with a Reality Show of our own, but as soon as I visualize myself in front of the camera it scares the hell out of me. I don't think We could handle something like that. Many people told me, you can have your own show and it makes me think about it. But lets be honest. My family is special and extraordinary but is not so dramatic or grotesque or sophisticated enough to produce a show. We are too normal inside our home. People need drama, sorry we have not drama to offer. Just ordinary routine. If somebody can get excited by looking at 30 diapers changes per day or feeding 24 bottles then we have a show!


Now lets get back to business, did you check my Facebook page already? Isn't my son so adorable moving around that couch?