Why children shouldn't use social networks

Today I lost my virginity one more time. I met my first cyber bully after I posted a video on InstaGram. I have a high tolerance to bullying because I grew up been bullied at school, no cyber bullying, just the simple, traditional, nasty, dirty, violent bullying at high school.  So given my previous experience this cyber bully in-training didn't take me out of my cool. I was able to think before reacting and sending her to a level of hell she probably never experience before.

Yesterday I posted a cute video of my daughter eating King crab legs in InstaGram. We always share pictures and short video of our children as they grow and reach new steps in their development.

It's lonely to be a stay at home daddy so the internet for me, is my only social interaction with other adults. Anyway, after a few nice and complimentary comments from my followers I get this one:

How this person dares to call my beautiful innocent 2 years old girl GROSS. I was pissed!! I quickly checked this person profile to elaborate a poisonous comeback, but all I see is her name and selfies of a young girl probably 6 or 7 years old, in some she is posing with her mom which she call: she is my friend and some other she is in front of mirrors with her top a little up to show her stomach. I just couldn't understand. First: a kid this young will make such a mean comment. Second: how can a child of her age gets to have an Instagram account?? 

So I calmed down, I had to admit a little disappointed I didn't have the opportunity to release my anger, and proceeded to answer with a funny and a little sarcastic comment hoping her mom will see what she wrote and do what she need to do, to teach her little daughter some manners. 

A few minutes later we took the kids to a local ice cream parlor which has the most original ice cream flavors and while I was waiting for my order I checked my phone and there she was, again. 

This time she sent the following messages which took some extra seconds to really understand what she was writing, which also confirmed my theory, she was a kid in early elementary school. 

Sadly she can't spell lawyer, I hope she meant to say her dad was a lawyer, but she totally nailed "Fuck You".  As I said before, it took me a few seconds to think and digest what she wrote. We usually don't curse at home and I didn't get some many F-You's in my life. So, even when it came from a child and from a cyber world, it still sounds as offensive. 

After the short shock, I felt very sad for this child. I thought about my own children and how this child was able to make such poor choice of words. I thought about reasons for this child to be so angry and disrespectful. What gives this 8 year-old the authority and power to say such words, and where are her parents?  I also thought of the consequences she may need to face someday for such behavior. It's frightening to think one of my beautiful toddlers in only a few years from now can be involved in a situation like this. 

Now I can understand vividly how a cyberbullying situation can get started. One mean comment and a few minutes later it becomes nasty and so on. How, whoever is on the other side, is going to handle this? Another 8 or 9 years old will probably take these words in a whole different magnitude. Yet parents don't have a clue because they don't know what they 8 years olds are posting and writing online. 

Taking selfies and posing with your friends in a social network is fun but it is also powerful and if it is not handled responsibly, it can be damaging too. 

I would like to know what you think about children having access to social networks. How do you handle a situation like this? How do you control your children's contents and comments in their Instagram or Facebook accounts? Should children have the right to express themselves in the open internet? Or is it the actual networks' responsibility to control and limit the age of their users? 

This was a minor incident but it gave me an aha moment, a teaching lesson to be used with my own kids in a few years. They better keep those Leap Frogs in shape because iPhones and iPads ain't happening. 

10 Things you don't need to say when you meet a gay family.

Life and society are changing very fast. For people of my age sometimes changes come so announced and unsuspected that we can easily be out of place or sound like a troll without intention. I believe is our responsibility to learn and update our social skills and boundaries when we meet other people that is not like us. As a former immigrant, I had to change many of my etiquette rules and perspectives of life in order to fit in this society. Its not easy but it is possible. Here is a list of things you have to avoid saying when you met a family with two dads.

1. Don’t say you have a gay friend as soon as you met them

They get it, you want to relate and sound supportive, but by saying that you are actually telling them: “I am not like you but I am OK for who you are.” It’s not a good thing to start a conversation. Imagine if you go for a short vacation to Bahamas and you met this stranger from France and as soon as he hear you speaking English he said: oh you know what, I have a friend in South Africa, he also speaks English! (totally irrelevant right? )

2. Do not tell them how much their kids look like the parents

You really don’t know how they created their family, sometimes they may be genetically related, sometimes they may adopt their kids. People try to establish those connections in order to feel they know you better or to be nice but it can hurt in some cases. Some families looks alike for many reason. One big reason: Gays know how to coordinate their outfits and make their family members look alike!

3. Do not ask how they got their kids

It's not of your business. Making an introduction with such question can cost you a few minutes of embarrassment. Get to know them and maybe share your own story first, they may be willing to share theirs. Think of this, people are not asking you how you got your kids right, so why is OK to ask a gay couple the same thing?

4. Do not ask WHERE is the mom

They may not want to think of an adoptive mother who is still in jail, or who died of a heroin overdose, they many not have a mom because the kids were born through surrogacy. Do be a jerk by asking that question, somehow you are pointing the lack of one. Like we all have to have one. Also remember they kids are also listening and reading your facial expression.

5. Don’t ask WHO is the mom

That is another ignorant and/or jerky question. Gay couples not necessarily follow heterosexual roles. In their sexual relationship they may or may not have roles. As parent is the same. No one is pretending to play moms and dads when you are a two guys couple. Forget the roles. They both are parents and that is all it matters.

6. Don’t give advice they didn’t ask for

This is specially for women, whose natural reaction when they see babies is to act like moms, specially if there is not another female present. Hold your horses, bite your tongue! You may have the best advice in the word but you are about to piss off a very proud parent who want to believe he knows better for their kids. Oh yeah their daughter hair may look messy, just leave them alone and if you respect those boundaries you may be asked for help, a little later.

7. Don’t try to hold or touch their babies

This general rule also apply to gays. Just because you don’t see a tiger mom with them you can think they are more free for the touch. Gays are very protective of their kids, as much or more than a heterosexual couple (after all they paid a fortune for them). Many are bacteria and virus freak and very perfectionist, so your uninvited touch or intent to touch can cause a cat fight right there, on the fly.

8. Don’t make gestures of disgust and pretend you didn’t

Don’t forget, gays are masters at reading peoples eyes. They have been in the closet for too long and many more courageous have been in the public eyes getting all kind of offensive looks in public. They can recognize your homophobic ass way before you even open your mouth. If you don’t want to get it back, simply don’t look and walk away.

9. Don’t talk too much simply because you want to be friendly

They get it, if you simply smile, they know you are friendly, but trying too hard actually causes the opposite effect. Uninvited comments is annoying and universal.

10. Don’t tell them how lucky they are for having kids while you couldn’t

Yes it is a blessing to have children but you really don’t know how much cost them to have children. For two males is really hard, sometimes painful and even traumatic to go through the process of surrogacy or adoption. Is not just luck. Its a lot of determination and hard work. Instead, tell them how much you love their courage to create their own family.

In conclusion, always use this rule: If you don’t have anything positive to say, say nothing. It never fail.